So today I was thinking to do something, actually I was not going to do these 2 things but I was thinking anyway. The 1st one was to go stand in the rain and I told myself that no, it’s not good because I was kind of feeling feverish and if I were to go in the rain then there was a good chance of getting the fever and I was tired too and really didn’t feel like it so I told myself no. I thought It’s not good but then I was like I want to do this anyway so I should do it, I did. I went outside on my porch and I stood in the rain for almost 30 minutes. I have the fever but it was totally worth it. I was so happy. It made me so happy that the fever now doesn’t mean anything.

The 2nd thing I was not going to do was to go meet out a friend. I told myself that I shouldn’t do this as I didn’t want to do it and I didn’t feel like doing it because most of the time I am masking everything. I want something genuine where I don’t have to pretend or hide myself and apart from this having to go out of the house, dressing up (basically changing clothes), have a smile on my face and then actually talk to someone about things feels like a lot. I am the kind of person who thinks about the things I can talk about beforehand and I was coming very short on it so just wanted to avoid going out.

But then again I listened to myself, the calm and smart version of me who is very good at giving advices and I told myself that if there was someone else instead of me here then I would totally tell that person to go out and meet your friend. I would tell them to make an effort and not lose the confidence. I would say you can’t know until you try. You know just tell them to be outgoing and not to be an introvert, not to keep things to yourself so after thinking all of that I took my advice and I went to see my friend.

It was surprisingly okay and not awkward at all. I did mask myself but not that much. It felt like I was coming out of my shell. I mean I still am in my shell but the top of the shell is broken and I kind of can see the light and feel the breeze, if you know what I mean.

It made me happy and it felt refreshing. I was kind of shocked at myself when I found myself enjoying and being ok.  I really enjoyed it and it was good so I think I should listen to myself more because both of the things I wasn’t going to do because I was like oh why should I do this. These things felt inappropriate in some way. it wasn’t appropriate for me and I almost didn’t do them but now that I’ve done both, it’s making me happy I feel content. I feel that I have done something and I feel good about it so I’m gonna try to listen to myself more and have the perspective of someone else like I’m going to watch myself from someone else’s view and see how would I advise myself.